Can i forgive him

If your goal is not to marry, much love and respect for your decision—and the same for the woman who wants to marry. You do you, ladies! But regardless, you still deserve to be in a healthy relationship. If your goal is to marry, you may want to think twice about starting a marriage on a rocky foundation of hurt, unforgiveness, and distrust.

The key is boundaries. All healthy relationships have boundaries. You are likely feeling reticent to forgive because you feel that you are condoning the behavior, sending a message that he could do it again. You might not feel a strong sense of remorse on his part. Think back. That voice is usually a sharp cookie. People eventually show us who they are.

When they do, believe them! Most bad behavior is not personal at all, though. Instead, is driven by issues, formed very early—usually in childhood. Who is he currently? Ask yourself this question and then write down five positive characteristics and five negative characteristics. Take a good, hard look at your list and remind yourself that you are not going to change him. Create an account. Edit this Article. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy.

Cookie Settings. Learn why people trust wikiHow. Download Article Explore this Article methods. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Article Summary. Method 1. Ask yourself how happy you were before this incident.

If you were already unhappy, then continuing the relationship might not be a good idea anyway. Start by asking yourself these questions: [1] X Research source Is this relationship worth your time to save in the first place? Were you happy and fulfilled, or did the relationship hinder you in some way?

For example, if you spent most of your time worrying about incidents like these, you might want to reconsider the relationship. If you were unhappy in the relationship already, then you might be better off to just move on.

Consider the length of your relationship. While the length of a relationship does not necessarily determine the strength or value of it, there are some things to consider. If problems are arising early on in the relationship, you have no reason to assume that they will simply vanish later. That said, if the relationship has been going strong for a long time, then it might be worth it to evaluate why this incident occurred before ending the relationship. Avoid the trap of staying in a relationship just because you have been in it for a long time.

If you are unhappy, or the incident is unforgivable in your opinion, feel free to move on. Be honest with yourself. You must be honest with yourself about whether you want to forgive the guy, about whether or not you want to continue the relationship, and about the fact that what has happened is done.

Restoring trust to a relationship can take a lot of time and hard work. Ask yourself if you are willing and emotionally prepared to work through the issues in your relationship.

Identify your boundaries. If you are unsure whether you can forgive a guy, this may indicate you haven't set boundaries and you aren't entirely clear what your boundaries are — or what you will and will not accept or tolerate in a relationship.

Take some time try free-writing about what is most important to you in a relationship, what your values are, and which behaviors are not in line with those values. You need to be more clear on your boundaries before you can answer the question of forgiveness.

It is important to communicate your boundaries to the other person — he cannot read your mind, and you may have different ideas of certain concepts "monogamy" may mean something different to you than it does to him, for instance. There may be a misunderstanding about what is and is not acceptable in your relationship, and you need to make your boundaries clear.

Talk with each other to clarify these boundaries, and let the guy know that if certain boundaries are crossed, you will end the relationship. For instance, maybe you're okay with your guy flirting with someone else, but not with anything physical.

If your guy kissed someone else, this is a violation of those boundaries. If you already set specific boundaries in the relationship that could not be crossed such as a zero tolerance for lying , you are under no obligation to consider rethinking those boundaries. In fact, you should probably move on if your boundaries are not respected. Method 2. Weigh in multiple offenses. People make mistakes. You need to address the behaviors that bother you.

Tell him your feelings, and everything that you would like to see happen in the relationship. All the conversations in the world will not change this. In order for a relationship to move forward, you both have to be moving in the same direction. If the marriage was already headed downhill and has been for months, walk away. Have the self-respect to know that you deserve better. On the other hand, what if you were happy before?

Do you actually have a good man? If the partnership was full of bliss and he seemed to do everything a good husband does, it could be worth it to get through this hurdle. Instead of making a brash decision based on your emotions, take a step back. Find a healthy release for all of those negative emotions. That alone should be enough to tell you whether you want to make things last or walk away from him for the rest of your life.

Whatever happened cannot be undone. You need to be honest with yourself. Even if you love someone, there might not be forgiveness in your heart for this incident. If a guy does one thing wrong, it might be a little easier to find that forgiveness. For example, sleeping with someone else after you two had a fight and he was at the bar.

Having an affair that has lasted for months involved lying to you, hiding things, and much more. It was intentional. It was deceitful. This is going to take a lot more forgiveness than a one night stand. Other couples do. If you did not establish boundaries with each other, consider it a lesson learned, and take steps to prevent future behavior that will cross some of those lines.

Tell your man that you two need to talk. You need to inform him of the problem. Remind your man that you love him, and want the relationship to continue.

Then, lay out your boundaries.